Touch My Heart

When I first met Shannon, I knew she was special. I know many men the world over have said that about their wives, but this is simply the fact of the matter. Smart beyond what she's willing to admit and very strong in her moral convictions, I knew she was the woman I had been searching for to spend the rest of my life with.

From the start, I knew Shannon would be a great mother. She accepted my daughter Alex with no hesitation or doubt – loving her as her own. It seemed as though Shannon had been in our lives from day one! I have always been amazed by her ability to “just know” all the little important things that go into birthday parties, crafts, and things to make a child feel special.

When Shannon and I finally decided to have a child, the first big test of our marriage began. Fortunately, through our faith we were able to meet the challenges of hospital visits full of tests, inseminations, and more tests...only to remain childless. I often couldn't tell what hurt more – the repeated disappointment after each failed try, or the pain I could see in Shannon's eyes. Finally, after one last insemination try, we both had had enough. But what to do now? We both wanted to start a family, but it seemed that just wasn't God's plan for us.

I knew in my heart what was coming next – Shannon would mention adoption. We had had the discussion years before our pregnancy attempts, and I had told her what I felt. This discussion would tend to get heated, and would ultimately end in a stale mate once Shannon would ask, “...but what if I wanted to adopt?” It wasn't that I didn't believe in adoption. I just didn't believe in adoption for me. Like a lot of men, I'd always held onto the thought of wanting “my own child”. I had rationalized, and explained to her that “it would be selfish of me to have an adopted child in my house, because I don't think I would love them the same as one of MY children....” This was painful for me to say to her, but it was the truth. It was how I felt and what I believed. Shannon would usually end up crying after hearing this time after time, realizing that she may never get to be a mother, but I felt there was nothing I could do about my view of adoption.

And, I was right...

...there was nothing I could do....

Some time had passed, and we stopped talking about it. One night, I was having one of those dreamless sleeps – just a dark, deep sleep. We hadn't talked about adoption, and I had had a pretty uneventful day. But in the middle of that dark, deep sleep I heard, “Can you think of a more selfless thing to do than to help a child of mine who needs you?”

The day I told Shannon that my heart (not just my mind) had been changed about adoption, I knew she didn't believe me at first. She told me that I didn't need to do this because she wanted me to, but I reassured her that I wasn't. She was happy, but it was an obviously hesitant happiness. In a way, it didn't matter if she believed me or not – I knew what I had been called to do, and the feeling of joy in wanting to do it is indescribable! I began researching what we needed to do, and we were soon lead to American World Adoption. I will never forget the rainy day when we made our way down to a small church in Cincinnati to watch a presentation about international adoption. I will especially never forget the tears of pure joy Shannon cried as we made our way home after the presentation, when she finally realized that God had truly changed my heart, and that she would get to be a mother, and we would be a family....
Shannon and I have been on journeys and adventures throughout our lives together, but none can compare to this adoption journey. It has been exciting, frustrating, nerve-wrecking, time consuming and expensive, and I wouldn't change any of it for the world!