Sunday, October 25, 2009
Where are we now?
As I posted below we have our paperwork completed now, but we need to come up with the money for our mid way payment. Many people ask the question "How much does the adoption cost?" It is about $25,000 to adopt from Ethiopia. We have already paid about $5,000. We need about $8,000 to send in our dossier. I have always said through this whole process that I have no idea where all this money will come from but I do know that I serve an awesome God and He will provide. We have already had several donations and many more people ask how they can help. We are selling t-shirts to help raise money. We are asking for a minimal donation of $20 (look to your right for t-shirt info). If you would like to make any other donations please contact us at adopted1@live.com. God has also blessed us with talents that we would like to use for our adoption. So if you need your computer fixed I know the perfect repair man or if you would like to order a cake I know the perfect baker. Please email us with any requests or questions. Jimmy and I have already been overwelmed with the support God has given us, especially from people we don't even know. He continues to bless us more than we can image which makes me excited for what the future holds. Jimmy and I are very aware and sensitive to the fact that we are in a recession, so we only want those to give who are able to and feel led by God. More important and powerful than any of the money is prayer. We are asking for all the prayers we can get through this whole process.
Paperwork finally completed
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Touch My Heart
When I first met Shannon, I knew she was special. I know many men the world over have said that about their wives, but this is simply the fact of the matter. Smart beyond what she's willing to admit and very strong in her moral convictions, I knew she was the woman I had been searching for to spend the rest of my life with.
From the start, I knew Shannon would be a great mother. She accepted my daughter Alex with no hesitation or doubt – loving her as her own. It seemed as though Shannon had been in our lives from day one! I have always been amazed by her ability to “just know” all the little important things that go into birthday parties, crafts, and things to make a child feel special.
When Shannon and I finally decided to have a child, the first big test of our marriage began. Fortunately, through our faith we were able to meet the challenges of hospital visits full of tests, inseminations, and more tests...only to remain childless. I often couldn't tell what hurt more – the repeated disappointment after each failed try, or the pain I could see in Shannon's eyes. Finally, after one last insemination try, we both had had enough. But what to do now? We both wanted to start a family, but it seemed that just wasn't God's plan for us.
I knew in my heart what was coming next – Shannon would mention adoption. We had had the discussion years before our pregnancy attempts, and I had told her what I felt. This discussion would tend to get heated, and would ultimately end in a stale mate once Shannon would ask, “...but what if I wanted to adopt?” It wasn't that I didn't believe in adoption. I just didn't believe in adoption for me. Like a lot of men, I'd always held onto the thought of wanting “my own child”. I had rationalized, and explained to her that “it would be selfish of me to have an adopted child in my house, because I don't think I would love them the same as one of MY children....” This was painful for me to say to her, but it was the truth. It was how I felt and what I believed. Shannon would usually end up crying after hearing this time after time, realizing that she may never get to be a mother, but I felt there was nothing I could do about my view of adoption.
And, I was right...
...there was nothing I could do....
Some time had passed, and we stopped talking about it. One night, I was having one of those dreamless sleeps – just a dark, deep sleep. We hadn't talked about adoption, and I had had a pretty uneventful day. But in the middle of that dark, deep sleep I heard, “Can you think of a more selfless thing to do than to help a child of mine who needs you?”
The day I told Shannon that my heart (not just my mind) had been changed about adoption, I knew she didn't believe me at first. She told me that I didn't need to do this because she wanted me to, but I reassured her that I wasn't. She was happy, but it was an obviously hesitant happiness. In a way, it didn't matter if she believed me or not – I knew what I had been called to do, and the feeling of joy in wanting to do it is indescribable! I began researching what we needed to do, and we were soon lead to American World Adoption. I will never forget the rainy day when we made our way down to a small church in Cincinnati to watch a presentation about international adoption. I will especially never forget the tears of pure joy Shannon cried as we made our way home after the presentation, when she finally realized that God had truly changed my heart, and that she would get to be a mother, and we would be a family....
Shannon and I have been on journeys and adventures throughout our lives together, but none can compare to this adoption journey. It has been exciting, frustrating, nerve-wrecking, time consuming and expensive, and I wouldn't change any of it for the world!
From the start, I knew Shannon would be a great mother. She accepted my daughter Alex with no hesitation or doubt – loving her as her own. It seemed as though Shannon had been in our lives from day one! I have always been amazed by her ability to “just know” all the little important things that go into birthday parties, crafts, and things to make a child feel special.
When Shannon and I finally decided to have a child, the first big test of our marriage began. Fortunately, through our faith we were able to meet the challenges of hospital visits full of tests, inseminations, and more tests...only to remain childless. I often couldn't tell what hurt more – the repeated disappointment after each failed try, or the pain I could see in Shannon's eyes. Finally, after one last insemination try, we both had had enough. But what to do now? We both wanted to start a family, but it seemed that just wasn't God's plan for us.
I knew in my heart what was coming next – Shannon would mention adoption. We had had the discussion years before our pregnancy attempts, and I had told her what I felt. This discussion would tend to get heated, and would ultimately end in a stale mate once Shannon would ask, “...but what if I wanted to adopt?” It wasn't that I didn't believe in adoption. I just didn't believe in adoption for me. Like a lot of men, I'd always held onto the thought of wanting “my own child”. I had rationalized, and explained to her that “it would be selfish of me to have an adopted child in my house, because I don't think I would love them the same as one of MY children....” This was painful for me to say to her, but it was the truth. It was how I felt and what I believed. Shannon would usually end up crying after hearing this time after time, realizing that she may never get to be a mother, but I felt there was nothing I could do about my view of adoption.
And, I was right...
...there was nothing I could do....
Some time had passed, and we stopped talking about it. One night, I was having one of those dreamless sleeps – just a dark, deep sleep. We hadn't talked about adoption, and I had had a pretty uneventful day. But in the middle of that dark, deep sleep I heard, “Can you think of a more selfless thing to do than to help a child of mine who needs you?”
The day I told Shannon that my heart (not just my mind) had been changed about adoption, I knew she didn't believe me at first. She told me that I didn't need to do this because she wanted me to, but I reassured her that I wasn't. She was happy, but it was an obviously hesitant happiness. In a way, it didn't matter if she believed me or not – I knew what I had been called to do, and the feeling of joy in wanting to do it is indescribable! I began researching what we needed to do, and we were soon lead to American World Adoption. I will never forget the rainy day when we made our way down to a small church in Cincinnati to watch a presentation about international adoption. I will especially never forget the tears of pure joy Shannon cried as we made our way home after the presentation, when she finally realized that God had truly changed my heart, and that she would get to be a mother, and we would be a family....
Shannon and I have been on journeys and adventures throughout our lives together, but none can compare to this adoption journey. It has been exciting, frustrating, nerve-wrecking, time consuming and expensive, and I wouldn't change any of it for the world!
Adoption Seed
As most of you know that Jimmy (Leo) and I are in the process of adopting from Ethiopia. On a weekly basis we get asked questions about the adoption. Questions like: Why did we decide to adopt? Why did we decide Ethiopia? How long does the adoption take? And of course the million dollar question: When will we get our baby? I am very excited about having this blog to keep everyone updated. But before I tell you about where we are in the process now, I want to tell you how we got to the beginning of our exciting journey.
Jimmy and I met in 1996. We got married in 2000. It was very important to me to marry a man that had the same beliefs and morals that I had. I also wanted to marry someone that wanted to have kids and would make an awesome father. I actually got to see firsthand what kind of father Jimmy would be because he had a beautiful four year old little girl when we met. Now, she is still beautiful, she is still Daddy's little girl, but she is 15!!! All of these characteristics were important to me because I knew in my heart that someday I wanted to be a mother and have a family. I was almost done with school and in 2002 Jimmy and I decided to start trying to have a baby. A couple years had gone by and still no baby. So we decided to go to our family Doctor to see if anything was wrong. He ran a couple of tests, offered a couple of suggestions and still no baby. It was probably a year later we decided to go to an infertility Doctor. This was such an emotional roller coaster ride. We had four unsuccessful inseminations. I was crushed. I felt the dream of being a mother and having a child with Jimmy had crumbled right in front of me. I know we could've continued to do more infertility treatments, but I was emotionally done. Jimmy and I had talked about adoption before and he was always against it. And to be completely honest, a conversation about adoption usually ended up in an argument. So there I was- could not have a baby of my own, and was married to a man that was against adoption. I was angry at Jimmy. And I was angry at God. I thought my only option at this time was to learn how to deal with never having children of my own. I felt so lost and had no idea of what my purpose in life was. One night I began telling Jimmy how I was feeling. That I was angry at him for being against adoption, that I was done with the infertility, and that I felt like I had to learn how to accept never being a mother. Of course it ended in another argument and I went to bed mad, but thankfully God never sleeps. I will never forget that next morning. Jimmy came to me and apologized. God had really worked on his heart. He admitted that his feelings about adoption were wrong and selfish. He had changed his mind and was very excited to start a family through adoption. I was shocked. I told him that I did not want him to do this for me. I wanted him to do it because he felt a desire to adopt. He stated several times that he really wanted to adopt. I was still guarded at first and thought that he would probably change his mind. But then the next day when he was looking up adoption on the internet before I was I knew for sure God had performed a miracle right before me. Praise Him!!
I finally know what my purpose in life is!!!!! I know that Jimmy and I are going to adopt a little boy from Ethiopia. Looking back now it is so awesome to see all the seeds God has planted in my life along the way, to bring me to this adoption journey. He planted the seed of wanting to be a mother. The seed of being accepting to the idea of adoption. The seed of being drawn to the black/African race, being intrigued of their culture and their differences, and a desire to learn more. And the seed he planted in Jimmy's heart to change his feelings about adoption. All these little seeds are growing together to fulfill Gods purpose for Jimmy and I. I also know now why every time Oprah did a show on Africa I was a crying mess or why in church when they talk about their Nigeria mission trips I am ready to hop on the next plane to go help. It is because that is the land, the culture, the people, the poverty, the hardships that my son, if not already there, will be born into. So it is clear to me now why God has put my heart in Africa.
So where are we now? In a sea of paper work trying to create our dossier (this is a file we along with the adoption agency create to send to the Ethiopian government). I'm trying not to get overwhelmed, and complete a little each week. Part of all the paper work includes a home study which can't be done until 90% of our paper work is completed. They call this time the "paper pregnancy", and they say it usually takes 4-6 months. Once our dossier is sent we wait for a referral from the country. The referral will have a picture and health history of the child. This can take 6-12 months from the time the dossier was sent. Jimmy and I are requesting for a little boy under a year old. When we accept the referral, it can take another 1-2 months 'til we get to go to Africa and get our son. I know many of you can't wait for me to be a mom, and I am very thankful that I have so many caring friends and family members that have this desire for me. But I just want everyone to know that I am at peace to wait. I am not saying that I will always be this patient through this whole process, but now I am actually enjoying the wait. There are so many blessings that have come out of the waiting and it has only just begun. Blessings such as: Jimmy and I have grown so much closer as husband and wife (especially spiritually). The blessing that God has given me an opportunity to become a travel nurse and make a lot more money to help pay for the adoption expenses, Jimmy's school, and work on getting out of debt. The blessing that God has given Jimmy a desire to finish school, so that when we do get our son I won't have to work this much. And a big blessing has been that I can truly thank God for my infertility, otherwise we would've passed up this great adoption journey.
This verse just seems to fit perfectly with my story. I want to thank everyone for their support, concern, and prayers for Jimmy and I during the adoption.
Jimmy and I met in 1996. We got married in 2000. It was very important to me to marry a man that had the same beliefs and morals that I had. I also wanted to marry someone that wanted to have kids and would make an awesome father. I actually got to see firsthand what kind of father Jimmy would be because he had a beautiful four year old little girl when we met. Now, she is still beautiful, she is still Daddy's little girl, but she is 15!!! All of these characteristics were important to me because I knew in my heart that someday I wanted to be a mother and have a family. I was almost done with school and in 2002 Jimmy and I decided to start trying to have a baby. A couple years had gone by and still no baby. So we decided to go to our family Doctor to see if anything was wrong. He ran a couple of tests, offered a couple of suggestions and still no baby. It was probably a year later we decided to go to an infertility Doctor. This was such an emotional roller coaster ride. We had four unsuccessful inseminations. I was crushed. I felt the dream of being a mother and having a child with Jimmy had crumbled right in front of me. I know we could've continued to do more infertility treatments, but I was emotionally done. Jimmy and I had talked about adoption before and he was always against it. And to be completely honest, a conversation about adoption usually ended up in an argument. So there I was- could not have a baby of my own, and was married to a man that was against adoption. I was angry at Jimmy. And I was angry at God. I thought my only option at this time was to learn how to deal with never having children of my own. I felt so lost and had no idea of what my purpose in life was. One night I began telling Jimmy how I was feeling. That I was angry at him for being against adoption, that I was done with the infertility, and that I felt like I had to learn how to accept never being a mother. Of course it ended in another argument and I went to bed mad, but thankfully God never sleeps. I will never forget that next morning. Jimmy came to me and apologized. God had really worked on his heart. He admitted that his feelings about adoption were wrong and selfish. He had changed his mind and was very excited to start a family through adoption. I was shocked. I told him that I did not want him to do this for me. I wanted him to do it because he felt a desire to adopt. He stated several times that he really wanted to adopt. I was still guarded at first and thought that he would probably change his mind. But then the next day when he was looking up adoption on the internet before I was I knew for sure God had performed a miracle right before me. Praise Him!!
I finally know what my purpose in life is!!!!! I know that Jimmy and I are going to adopt a little boy from Ethiopia. Looking back now it is so awesome to see all the seeds God has planted in my life along the way, to bring me to this adoption journey. He planted the seed of wanting to be a mother. The seed of being accepting to the idea of adoption. The seed of being drawn to the black/African race, being intrigued of their culture and their differences, and a desire to learn more. And the seed he planted in Jimmy's heart to change his feelings about adoption. All these little seeds are growing together to fulfill Gods purpose for Jimmy and I. I also know now why every time Oprah did a show on Africa I was a crying mess or why in church when they talk about their Nigeria mission trips I am ready to hop on the next plane to go help. It is because that is the land, the culture, the people, the poverty, the hardships that my son, if not already there, will be born into. So it is clear to me now why God has put my heart in Africa.
So where are we now? In a sea of paper work trying to create our dossier (this is a file we along with the adoption agency create to send to the Ethiopian government). I'm trying not to get overwhelmed, and complete a little each week. Part of all the paper work includes a home study which can't be done until 90% of our paper work is completed. They call this time the "paper pregnancy", and they say it usually takes 4-6 months. Once our dossier is sent we wait for a referral from the country. The referral will have a picture and health history of the child. This can take 6-12 months from the time the dossier was sent. Jimmy and I are requesting for a little boy under a year old. When we accept the referral, it can take another 1-2 months 'til we get to go to Africa and get our son. I know many of you can't wait for me to be a mom, and I am very thankful that I have so many caring friends and family members that have this desire for me. But I just want everyone to know that I am at peace to wait. I am not saying that I will always be this patient through this whole process, but now I am actually enjoying the wait. There are so many blessings that have come out of the waiting and it has only just begun. Blessings such as: Jimmy and I have grown so much closer as husband and wife (especially spiritually). The blessing that God has given me an opportunity to become a travel nurse and make a lot more money to help pay for the adoption expenses, Jimmy's school, and work on getting out of debt. The blessing that God has given Jimmy a desire to finish school, so that when we do get our son I won't have to work this much. And a big blessing has been that I can truly thank God for my infertility, otherwise we would've passed up this great adoption journey.
I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
Out of the mud and mire;
He set my feet on the rock
He set my feet on the rock
And gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
A hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
And put their trust in the Lord
Psalms 40:1-3
This verse just seems to fit perfectly with my story. I want to thank everyone for their support, concern, and prayers for Jimmy and I during the adoption.
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